I just threw up on my dentist
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
