This girl is more easily done than said...
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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