i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm at about main and main street
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize