I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I still have a little drunk in my system
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
