I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
