look no pants
oh god the rape fog is back!
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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