You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize