no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
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