I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
