had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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