Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
