I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize