the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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