what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
