Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
