How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
