im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
