it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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