Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Randomize
