So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
