Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
