just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
