Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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