what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
