it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
