dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I need to calm my uterus...
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Randomize
