I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
