Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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