She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
