I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
