On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I think your dad took our porno
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
