Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
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