It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
