I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
