his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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