If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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