Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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