Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I need to stop coming to work sober
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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