He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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