I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
