The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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