you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You may now shotgun with the bride
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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