I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
