I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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