I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
My ass is underappreciated
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
