last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
