She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
