i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
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