well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize