Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
