your room smells of hookers.
And success
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
cat food counts as protein by the way
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
