I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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