I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
He has the fingertips of a God
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