quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
