I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
