I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
