If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Randomize
