Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
