You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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