So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
