Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize