I intend to get homeless drunk
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
