I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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