We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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